About Me

I grew up in a small town in Wyoming. Growing up was an quite an experience. I got involved with the wild crowd where we focused on loud music, drinking, and girls. As I got older my life choices changed. I am now a single parent, which is a job that's more difficult than some may think.

I've been involved in a few long-term relationships. I can say now, I wish I had an instruction book, so I wouldn't have been part of messing them up. On a positive note, I have four wonderful children. One son who just turned 18, and 3 daughters, ages 14, 12 and 9. During my marriage, we had our share of fights, some of which became violent. I never layed a hand on her, but if there was something in her path she could easily pick up and throw, she did. Back then we didn't call it domestic violence, it was just another argument to us. Later, finding out she has bipolar disorder.

While she and I were married, I began working a home business. I enjoyed going to meetings and motivational conferences. This was when I first began studdying human behavior. At that time I didn't study much about indimate relationships, I did more with how to proceed from point "A" to point "B". I found it interesting, if given tools to succeed, how some would make it and some would not.

My youngest daughter's mother and I met. We were together for four years. My exwife and I divorced because of her affairs. I didn't know  how that would affect me until after I was single again. I developed mental blocks, which are fear based due to past experience. This disabled my ability to grow emotions for someone past a certain point. I didn't realize just how much I loved my little girls mom until after we split up. When the threat was no longer present, the feelings I had for her came rushing throught. As the saying goes, "a day late and a dollar short." Although we have never reconnected, we're still good friends. It was this that began my direction of study into relationships, breakups, divorce, and what behaviors make or break the relationship.

Below you'll see what experience changed my life and my direction of study again.

After remining single for a good while, I decided to attempt dating again. I met a girl, we connected and ended up moving in together. I knew she had an extremely abusive past. I didn't know at the time how many behavior changes can take place due to her past. Her abuse included being sexually abused as a child (6 yr old to 12 yr old), physically and mentall abused by a boyfriend, including being stabbed in her chest, and her feet being burned by cigarettes. She also had a child at 15 years old who at 5 months her life was taken away by the baby's father. He took their daughter and threw her down a flight of stairs, snapping her neck on impact, which my ex-girlfriend was a witness too. He received three life term sentenses and she received a life time of trauma, and a level of pain I wouldn't wish upon anyone.

She has a disorder called borderline personality disorder. This is also known as the "love/hate disorder." They love you to death one minute, then wish you're dead the next. Every two or three days she would automatically split from her regular behavior to an intense level of anger. This is a difficult disorder because of the numerous personality disorders wrapped up in the bundle. A problem with having a normal conversation with her was, her inability to recall her behavior during her normal (manageable cycle), and her inability to recall her behavior during the intense anger period. 

Those with B.P.D. are story tellers, I wouldn't say liers because of their conscious unawareness of this abnormal personality. Their mind is dealing with such a high level of trauma, they literally develop an alternate reality. They do so to avoid their trauma. In their minds is like saying "if I'm someone else, I won't be in pain."

We, for some reasons, quckly process positive events. Negative situations or abuse, we ponder on and processing is slow or doesn't happen. When we experience trauma, as all other memories, it's stored in our subconscious mind. When we "ignore" the existance of the trauma and don't properly work through the issues, the trauma groes (compared to an absest). The the traumatic level grows too large in the subconscious mind, it begins peeping its existance into the conscious state of mind. Many abnormal personality disorders are a result of that growth.  

If you look at the actual VAW control wheel, being with her I experienced pleanty of all the categories. This experience affected myself and my children. We're doing well now, but the damaging effect of that experience was difficult to overcome. I developed major depressive disorder. I was in bed for approximately six months, only getting up when I had to do something or run somewhere. Although I have overcome that aspect, I still have difficulty leaving my home or being around people I don't know. I thought I was a strong individual. Always having a positive outlook on life. Prior to ending the relationship (which was a completely different chore), I didn't realize what a personal affect being exposed to this negative behavior would have on my sense of self.

On a positive note, this experience intrigued me about trauma, abnormal personality disorders, and domestic violence. Much of my time is spent researching the behaviors associated with violence and the affects of domestic violence. 

Please note, My ex-girlfriend having this severe mental disability, which is the underlining cause of her abnormal and violent behavior. I don't hold a grudge or anger toward her. I forgave her a long time ago. I can't blame her for behaviors she had no control over. I haven't seen or heard from her for the past few years. Once a week during our meal prayer we include her by praying seeks the treatment she needed and will one day be able to live a non-painful life.

If you have a story you'd like to share about a domestic violence experience, or have a current situation you would like to discuss, feel free to email me.

As a "domestic violence" researcher, I seek to uncover the "absolute." The absolute is a truth without perception or ideology as the basis for proof. It's factual content can not be disputed as being anything but what it is. When seeking the absolute with domestic violence, my perceptions (current views of what is) changed numerous times. Keeping an open mind has been necessary as is this simple yet meaningful phrase. "What is true is true, unless it isn't. What is, is unless it is not." These words remind me that perceptions change, and may or may not hold truth. A perception is only how one views a truth or non truth based on personal knowledge, beliefs and experience.

Keep in mind: A perception is a method of relating information to an experience. These change as the information we have on the subject changes. Although a perception is only ones view, it must have an underlining absolute by which the perception is created. For example, if I was at a party and took two pictures. The first was of people fighting, and showed you that picture, you'd perceive people at the party did not have a good time. The second picture, at the same party was of people laughing and having a great time, you might perceive that being a party you would have liked to attend. Two different pictures, same event, but two different perceptions.

In the example above, the two picture were two parts of an absolute. If one person had one of the pictures and a second person had the other picture, we couldn't discount either one as being false. So the difference between the many different perceptions and the absolute is the viewing of numerous partial pictures and putting together the puzzle to view the whole picture.